Screw Valentine's
by Captain LeBubbles
Summary: Sick of all the lovey-fluff, Tabby tries to find someone to boycott Valentine's with her... unfortunately, everyone else has plans. See inside for full list of ships.


**Screw Valentine's**

**Summary: Sick of all the lovey-fluff, Tabby tries to find someone to boycott Valentine's with her... unfortunately, everyone else has plans.  
**

**A/N: I'm pretty sure I'm the first one to ship these two, but given how she was acting with him in the one episode they met in, I'm a little surprised by that. You disappoint me, fandom. Set somewhere between The Problem With Parents and The Lehnsherr Bunch (the fic that will occur after TPWP), but no major spoilers for either. Started this yesterday morning, but by the time I'd finished class and work I couldn't give a crap enough to finish it. So uh, happy late Valentine's or whatever.  
**

**Ships: Mentions of Tabby/Piotr, Romy, Lancitty, Jott, Kurmanda, Tonda, LoRo, Fred/minor oc, Pietro/harem member, Samara, Mastermind/Emma Frost, crack!Mygneto, and many many others.**

**Disclaimer: Alas, it isn't mine.**

**o/o/o**

Tabby woke to find the mansion in a barrage of pink and red hearts that morning. She rolled over and pulled the covers back over her head. A hand reached out to shake her, and a gentle, soothing voice called her from sleep.

"Wake up, little Tabby," the voice crooned.

She pulled the covers even farther over her head. "No! Wake me up when Valentine's Day is over."

"I am sorry, but I have been ordered to wake you and ensure that you are in the Danger Room on time today. Come out now, or I will have to do so with force."

She was sure he was bluffing. Piotr was kind and gentle, not at all like he looked, and she was sure that he wouldn't use force for something as simple as waking her up. She burrowed under her pillow.

He sighed- "Very well. I hope that you are wearing pants under there."- and in one swift pull had taken her covers.

"Now, come along." He hoisted her up and tossed her over his shoulder and proceeded to carry her to the bathroom, where he left her standing dazed and kinda miffed, with her hair brush, uniform, and a towel. "And do not try to sneak back to your room. I will be waiting for you outside. Please do not take long."

She scowled and waved her hairbrush at him. "You're just lucky you're cute, Rasputin," she said, before herding him out the door so she could shower and change.

After a rigorous DR session, followed by a spectacle known as 'breakfast', Tabby was completely awake. She sighed, miffed by the whole thing, and tried to ignore all the lovey fluffy crap that was decorating every surface of the mansion's interior.

She tried to head to the library, hoping to perhaps get the jump on her homework for the weekend, but the various couples pretending to 'study' just proved to be a distraction. She snapped her book closed and stomped away in a huff, ready to completely stuff this fake greeting card company holiday. It was just a load of baloney anyway.

The final straw was walking outside to find Jean and Scott getting completely into the spirit of the holiday. That was why she decided to boycott Valentine's day.

Question was, who to boycott it with?

**o/o/o**

"Amara! How's my girl doing?"

"Um.. fine?" Amara looked alarmed to have Tabby bursting into her room unannounced. She shouldn't have been. It was something of a regular occurrence, after all.

"Good, good," Tabby said absently. "So here's the thing. I'm boycotting Valentine's Day. Wanna join? It'll be fun. Just you, me, and the booze I stole, er, I mean, borrowed from Wolverine's secret stash. Whaddya say? You with me?"

"Actually, I have a plans. I'm going to dinner with, um..." A fierce blush was spreading across her cheeks. "With Sam."

"Farm Boy? Awwwwww!" Amara looked even more alarmed at being pulled into a hug. Honestly, hasn't she been paying attention? "You guys will be so cute together!"

"I'm, uh, glad you approve?" Amara tried to struggle out of Tabby's grip, to no avail. She settled to being smother-hugged.

"Approve? Of course I approve! Farm Boy's a real cutie, and such a gentleman, too! He's perfect for you!"

"Um, Tabitha?"

"Yeah girl?"

"You're making it very hard to breathe right now."

"Sorry!" She released Amara from her death-hug. "I'm going to go find someone else to hang with tonight. You just get ready for your date with Farm Boy."

"But..." Amara sighed. Tabby had already run out. "...The date isn't until tonight."

**o/o/o**

"Kitty!" Tabitha sashayed into the room like she owned it. "Listen, got pans for tonight? Cause if not, you and me are gonna paint the town blue- you know, instead of red, for Valentine's day. You with me?"

"Actually, no. I've got a date with Lance. He's like, taking me out to dinner." She blushed. "I think we're like, finally getting to where we're starting to patch things up with each other."

"Well, good for you!" She grinned. "Good for Lance, too, I'm sure he's been a pain in the neck for the guys lately with all his moping."

"Like, how do you know he's been moping?"

"Cause I used to live with the guy! I know how he is. And there's probably a few new holes in the floors, if the guys have been teasing him. Though how many of the holes were caused by him and not Wanda would be the real trick. Oh well." She sashayed out the same way she had come in. "I'll find someone else, I guess. You have fun with Loverboy."

**o/o/o**

"Hey Rogue!" Tabitha threw a companionably arm around Rogue's shoulders. "I'm boycotting Valentine's day. Wanna join me?"

"Uh, actually..." Rogue removed Tabitha's arm from her shoulders and fidgeted. "I can't. R- Gambit's taking me out to dinner at some fancy French place. Bourdon's, or something." (1)

"Seriously? That's the fanciest restaurant in town. How'd Swamp Boy manage to get a res there?"

"I don't know. I'm trying not to think about it too hard; mostly I just hope he didn't decide to blow something up."

"Nothing wrong with a little explosion, honey." Tabitha grabbed a chair and spun it so that she could sit on it backwards, and leaned against the back, watching Rogue intently. "So gimme the goods, okay? How'd he finally convince you to go out with him? Was it his charm? His accent? His looks? His cooking? C'mon, girl, tell me!"

Rogue fidgeted some more. "None of the above? It's just one dinner, it's not like I'm agreeing to marry the guy or something. I just don't want to spend another Valentine's Day alone, okay? And Gambit's better than nothing."

"I can't believe you're buying into this Valentine's Day crap. It's just a day!"

Rogue turned away. She looked a little uncomfortable. Tabitha threw up her hands in defeat.

"Fine, fine, enjoy your dinner. But you know Wolverine is going to spend the whole time stalking you, right?"

"Actually, I think he's got a date for tonight."

"Aw, man, Wolverine too? He got a date for Valentine's Day while I'm still single?" She facepalmed. "It's official, I'm pathetic."

**o/o/o**

Sam was getting more and more uncomfortable by the second. Tabitha had been staring at him for the past twenty minutes or so, a look on her face that very clearly said 'I'm going to chew you up and spit you out and feed you to my demonic bird children'.

"Tabby?"

"Yeah, Farm Boy?"

"You're starting to scare me."

"Good."

And with that she walked out, leaving behind a very, confused, _very_ afraid Guthrie.

**o/o/o**

"Hi, Ms. Munroe." Tabby collapsed onto the sofa, feeling kinda mopey. "Looks like it's gonna be just you and me in the mansion tonight, huh? We should do stuff."

"Actually, I have plans." Come to think of it, she did look kinda pleased with herself. Tabby groaned and rolled over to bury her face in the couch cushion. "Are you all right, Tabitha?"

"'M'fine," she said, her voice extremely muffled by couch cushion and mopeyness. She propped herself up on her arms. "Wait, did you say you have plans? With who?"

Storm gave her a knowing smile. "Oh, just someone very special to me."

"You're not going to tell me, are you?"

"No."

"Damn." Tabitha stood. "Fine, I'll just get Freddy and Toddles to hang with me. No way _they've _got plans."

**o/o/o**

"What do you mean you have plans? You have _plans_? _You _have plans?"

"You know, Tabitha, it doesn't matter how many times you ask, the answer is still going to be the same."

Tabby slumped down onto the couch, looking completely dazed.

"You have plans. How do you have plans? I don't have plans!" Her gossip side won out over her confused side and she gave him a sly look. "Who do you have plans with? Is it Todd? I always thought you two had something going on."

"I don't really want to know where you got that idea from, but no. It's not Todd. It's Mitzi." He got a stupid look on his face. Tabby would later decide it was sweet, but for the moment she just looked confused.

"Mitzi? Who the heck is Mitzi?" She frowned. "Wait, do you mean Burger Bomb Mitzi?" He nodded. She looked even more confused. "How did you get her to go out with you? She's at least a seven! Doesn't she know you're.. you know.."

"A mutant? She knows. She just doesn't care."

"Actually, I was going to say 'you', but I guess you're going to tell me she doesn't think that matters."

"She doesn't." He smiled, obviously thinking about Mitzi. "She thinks I'm cute. And funny."

"Freddy, everyone thinks you're funny."

"Yeah, but she doesn't mean it how everyone else does."

This earned him an eyeroll. Tabby stood and sashayed upstairs. "Oh well, have fun while it lasts, I guess. I have other options. Hey Wanda! Don't leave your girl hanging!"

**o/o/o**

Tabby found Wanda in her room, going through her closet and trying to remember when she and Tabitha had become 'girls', in the possessive sense. Pietro was there as well, sprawled over her chair with a magazine in hand, watching her from an upside-down perspective.

"I think youshould gowith thatone," he said. Wanda huffed and returned the shirt she was perusing to her closet. "What?"

He glanced over at Tabby. In a flash he was up and beside her. "HiTabby. What'sup?"

"I'm here to talk to Wanda, Speedy. No doubt _you _already have Valentine's plans."

"Youbetcha!"

Wanda had come over to Tabby, her arms crossed. "What do you want?"

Tabby threw and arm around Wanda's shoulder and led her away from Pietro. "Tonight's Valentine's, and I'm not celebrating it, and I thought, who else would have to sense to boycott tonight? And then I thought, Wanda, of course! So what do you say? Wanna hang tonight?"

Wanda frowned. "I'd like to, of course, but I can't. You don't celebrate Valentine's day?"

"Nope. Wait, do you?"

"Yes." She'd returned to her closet and was going through her clothes again. "And anyway, I have plans tonight. You'll have to get someone else to go with you."

Tabby sighed. "Who are you going out with, anyway?"

"Todd. He agreed to leave me alone if I went on one date with him. Tabby?"

Tabby had walked out. Wanda shrugged, and pulled out a skirt to inspect.

**o/o/o**

Tabby had her hands stuffed deep into her pockets while she trudged down the streets of Bayville. At one point, she passed a flower shop, where she could see Mastermind inside, buying a bouquet of white roses. She threw up her arms in defeat.

"Okay, I give up!" She said. "Even Monkeyface has a date, and I don't. Is it me? Is it just me?"

"Tabitha?" She turned in surprise to find Amanda Sefton looking at her funny, probably wondering why she was yelling at the sky. "Are you okay?"

"...No."

Amanda patted her comfortingly and guided her into a nearby coffee shop. She bought her a coffee and listened sympathetically while Tabby spilled the entire story.

"I'm really sorry," she said, once Tabby had finished. "If I didn't already have plans with Kurt, I would hang out with you."

"That's what everyone keeps saying."

"Well, what's the problem? Why don't you celebrate Valentine's day, anyway?"

Tabby huffed. "Valentine's day is just a day for people in relationships to make people not in relationships think they aren't happy."

"Oh, Tabby." Amanda leaned over the table to hug the other girl. "That's not what Valentine's day is about at all!"

Tabby left soon after that, not willing to sit through an explanation about 'the true meaning of Valentine's' or something.

**o/o/o**

Tabitha had given up on finding someone to boycott Valentine's day with her. She had resorted to lying in a boneless pile of 'don't give a crap' in the living room, doing her best to ignore the various happy couples that passed her on their way out for the evening.

"Tabitha?" Tabby grunted, ignoring the voice. "Tabitha, you are taking up the entire couch and I would like to sit down. Will you please move your feet?"

She grunted again, but shifted her feet to the floor. The couch dipped as Piotr sat down on the other end. She sat up.

"Why are you not out tonight?" he asked. "Surely you have someone to celebrate Valentine's day with."

"Nope." She shrugged. "No one wants to celebrate love with old Boom-Boom. What about you, big and pretty? I'd think a tall good-looking hunk of a man like yourself'd have to beat the ladies off with a stick."

Piotr tried not to look alarmed. He smiled and shook his head instead. "You American girls are strange girls," he said.

"You bet," she replied. She put her arms behind her head and leaned back. "Say, I know! Why don't we not celebrate Valentine's together? Just you and me... screw 'em all, they don't know what they're missing."

Piotr chuckled. "That sounds pleasant."

**o/o/o**

Piotr and Tabby settled into the couch with their dinners, waiting for their movie to start. They'd raided the kitchen for something to eat earlier; Piotr had made instant mashed potatoes and Tabby had microwaved some leftover pork chops from the night before, and with glasses of lemonade, they felt this was an adequate meal for not-celebrating Valentine's. Tabby had also taken out The Princess Bride. (The irony of the choice was not lost on her, she just didn't care.)

"You know something, Rasputin?" Tabby said, about halfway through the movie. "This is the best Valentine's day I've ever not celebrated."

She held up her glass of lemonade. He held up his own and they touched them to each other with a small clink.

"Da," he agreed. "It is very good."

They settled back onto the couch, watching The Princess Bride and sipping lemonade. Oh yeah, this was definitely a memorable Valentine's day.

**o/o/o**

Elsewhere in Bayville, in the house Magneto'd bought when he'd realized a big metal dome out in the middle of nowhere was not only conspicuous, but also easy to find, the two remaining Acolytes were slumped on the couch, also, interestingly enough, watching The Princess Bride. Their boss had gone out for the night, saying something about enacting a new scheme with Mystique, and left them alone, hoping he wouldn't come back to find his house in ruins.

On one end of the couch, Sabretooth was playing with a ball of yarn, while simultaneously trying to make it look like he wasn't. At the opposite end, Pyro had his feet propped up on the coffee table, looking completely bored. He gave Sabretooth a sly look.

"I've always had my suspicions you were no ordinary man, Victor, but I never suspected you were actually... a cat." Sabretooth gave him a murderous look. He grinned cheekily. "You're right, I knew it all along. We all did!"

He reached over, wiggling his fingers.

"Here kitty. Nice kitty-kitty-ki-ow! Bad kitty!" He'd yanked his hand away when Sabretooth swiped at him. "Bad kitty! No. _No_. No treat for you!"

**o/o/o~Fin~o/o/o**

**Did I say no spoilers? I may have accidentally lied to you.  
**


End file.
